One hardback meets another

There's nothing worse than sitting down to an eagerly awaited home-cooked dinner only for the phone to start ringing. Grrr. You know it's probably nothing that can't wait but you answer it, just in case.

If only it was just the phone ringing.

Here's a story:

The other night, just as I sat down to my weekly steak and fried potatoes I caught sight of something scuttling across the floor towards my bedroom. It didn't take me long to identify it as a cockroach. In 2002 I'd shared a hostel with other living examples of its kind on the West coast of Australia. My reflexes kicked in. I dived ahead of it and slammed my bedroom door shut in its face.

But no! my worst fears were realised... the two inch gap between door and carpet wasn't going to deter it. Moments later, it cleared it with ease and was through to the next round. My bedroom.

(There was a short interlude here of 10 minutes plus half an hour whilst I decided I may as well eat my dinner and watch the end of Hotel Babylon and plot my next move. The Dog was out and I didn't know what else to do.)

I'm pleased to say the cockroach was to come off worse. Fortified by a medium-bodied 2006 Marlborough Riesling (me that is), I found it sitting by the foot of my bed, whereupon I dropped a very large, very heavy National Geographic hardback on top of it when it wasn't looking. While I would like to say that I deeply regret my actions, I don't. It felt no pain and shall be missed by no one. Plus it meant I was able to sleep in my own bed that night.

It wasn't a pretty picture though.


The End

Lipstick to go?

There's nothing wrong with a bit of lippy on your lid. Just remember to reapply as soon as you've finished your coffee.

For a coffee to end up as a latté or whatever in a cup with the milk, the espresso has to be good enough in the first place. It's like the base of a recipe. If it's not up to scratch, the rest of the dish will suffer.

Unlike a chef, checking the seasoning on each dish before it goes out, we can't taste every coffee before handing it over to a waiting customer. If that was the case, today I would have tasted around 250. And shared every customer's coffee.

So instead, we have to be confident that each espresso that comes out of the machine is good enough to be sold. That's well-balanced - there's more to coffee than bitterness. A tiny 30ml (2 tablespoons) shot of espresso should also be be bursting with sweetness, acidity and body.

Often, the way it trickles out of the machine is a good indication as to what it might taste like. If it runs out too quickly, it's likely to be under-extracted and lacking in depth and flavour. Too slowly, and chances are you're looking at a syrupy, bitter offering that not even 200ml of steamed milk can disguise.

So sometimes we slurp a few shots during the day to make sure we're on the right track. It can get quite messy.

Wine bars and dancing shoes

It's a nice surprise to come home from a hard day behind an espresso machine and find your kitchen worktop covered in opened bottles of wine.

It's one of the perks of living with someone who works in a wine merchants. You'd think their shift was one big exercise in opening screw caps with the odd cork thrown in for old world measure.


Anyway, I'm not complaining.

Well, only I am because, after sampling a few, I took off in my tango shoes, tripped and ripped the left one at the toe.

And I wasn't even dancing.

I blame it on those wine drinkers.