The best job in the world

I think I've discovered the secret of Chilean wine. But first let me tell you a bit about Santiago.

Generally the sun is always shining and the sky is blue but in the morning the air is so cool and fresh that you have to walk on the sunny side of the street just to keep warm. You'd want to be wearing a jumper, jeans and trainers, too. Come lunchtime, though, the sun starts to beat down and you'll long for a bit of that cool morning shade.

That's why the wine's so good in Chile. It's because the grapes are happy. They get to have a nice lie-in every morning when it's cool, or just kick back, do their own thing and mull over how the day before went. Or take a leisurely breakfast. Then, around lunchtime, the sun gives them a prod. They then spring into action and put all their energy into becoming big and juicy.

Sometimes they have to work quite late into the evening, depending on what the sun says, but they don't mind because they know they'll have that lie-in the next day. They can drink as much water as they like, too, and even though the afternoons are scorching hot, there's always a nice breeze which makes the grapes work harder without realising it. Before they know it, they're fat and fit to burst.

It's no dog's life being a Chilean grape - it's one of the best in the world - and if I come back as a grape, I'd like to be attached to a vine in the Casablanca valley just outside Santiago.